Corporate Spin, I Mean, PR, Defined

Here are some excerpts from an email Sleepycat Software sent to me this evening.

I’m pleased to announce today that Sleepycat Software has been acquired by Oracle. [They showed me the money!]

By joining the leading database company in the world, I expect that we will be able to serve our customers and the open source community better. [Oracle is well-known for their killer support – NOT!] With the additional expertise, resources and reach of Oracle, we’ll be able to accelerate innovation, offer you greater choice, and provide more complete solutions. [Huge autocratic companies are excellent for innovation – that’s why they buy companies like mine!]

I assure you that we will continue to deliver the products and services that you are used to receiving from Sleepycat Software. [As long as I’m here – when I get frustrated with the big company hassles I’ll buy a nice boat and you can sort it out with your new account executive.] There are no plans to change our dual license model, and we will continue to serve both open source and commercial users. [We can worry about plans later, if need be. For now, all systems go!] Oracle will honor the terms and conditions of existing Sleepycat agreements. [But please see below for important information.]

100% of Sleepycat’s employees are expected to transition to Oracle, so we retain all our deep technical expertise and community relationships. [They didn’t show the employees any money, so they have to stay.]

Mike Olson
Vice President, Oracle
Former President and CEO
Sleepycat Software

The above is for informational purposes only and may not be incorporated into a contract.

Emphasis added. Now, you tell me, do they really believe I will trust all that hyperbolic PR crap in the letter, when it concludes by saying they won’t commit to any of it? Gimme a break.