Cherry Table

Dear Friend,
I have enclosed a photo of what I believe to be a cherry coffee table. It measures 2′ x 4′ x 17″H and is in very good – really quite close to excellent – condition.
The table – it does not yet have a name – was given to us last year by M.G., former board president of the B. Food Co-op. He had purchased it direct from the source while on a two-day spree in the Rt. 2 corridor of furniture manufacturers in Massachusetts. He offered it up because, after several years of trying, he could not really fit it into his furniture scheme. 2′ x 4′ – just too big. And, just bought too much furniture that day. He’s been giving things away ever since.
We haven’t found a purrrfect spot for it either, even after a year of considering the nearly-infinite range of possibilities. But now we’ve started to make some halting initial conceptualizations – to say nothing of the future potential actual *physical* manifestations, – of a move toward a more zen minimalist approach than our current post-integration maximal mashup would allow.
And so today we find ourselves in the same predicament. It’s a nice table. Sturdy. Good condition. Holds a LOT of book piles. You can sit on it. Nearly perfect size for a couple of cat beds. You can see it here, in the enclosed grainy low-light iPhone spy photo, eBay style, stepping out in one of our objet arrangements which some have called, “The Annex Appendix Bric-A-Brac Congregation Diversity Evincement Fez” series.
Imagine the possibilities….
Picture yourself owning this fine table, set properly amongst your cherished belongings. Imagine your books, your tea, your cats, your very selves, enjoying the large, welcoming platform for your every purpose. Feel the smooth polished surface with your fingers. Listen to the solid “thump” you hear as you place it firmly onto the floor in the precise location you feel is best. Change the location at any time.
Experts say that nothing can occur that you can’t also imagine, so in that sense you now already possess this table, in your minds. A simple matter of manifesting that reality – for yourself and your family – is all it takes to immediately create a stronger, smarter, sexier, AND wealthier version of your best self.
The most amazing part of this offer? You can have this very table – not a very similar table as seen elsewhere or in stores, but the very same table itself that I have described herein – for the exact same price which we ourselves paid: FREE!!! You sure don’t hear that everyday! Let’s spell it out: F-R-E-E-!-!-!. You heard correctly. Free as in beer, and also free as in speech. Gratis and libre, indeed. Absolutely, positively, 100% free. Senza soldi. Pas d’argent. Nolo denario.
There is only one of these fine tables. It won’t last forever. Like all assemblages of atoms and matter, it will eventually cease to exist. Unlike most carbon-based bipedal life-forms, it doesn’t really care. But you care. You care because you’re you, and you care. And now, you have the opportunity to care about this table, and fondly remember the many years of pleasure you’ve received from caring for it.
When would you like to take free home delivery of this fine quality heirloom?
M & K, Co-Founders
Zen Minimalist Potentialist Industries
Shadow Ministry of Information and Architecture
Annex Appendix Bric-A-Brac Congregation Evincement
Comcast Sector, The Internet, Earth, Milky Way.
10:53PM GMT-5, Julian 281, 02009
[Update: This item has been claimed.]