Speaking of the Onion

Hadn’t checked in with them in a while.

Christian Rock Band Cleans Up Hotel Room: Hotel staff at the Highway 82 Best Western found the suite occupied over the weekend by members of the Christian rock band Ruggid Krøss swept, dusted, scrubbed, and readied for immediate occupancy.

Area Man Going To Go Ahead And Consider That A Date: Anthony Pennline, 28, decided Tuesday, following a random encounter at a coffee shop with 26-year old acquaintance April Geyer, that their cordial, 45-minute conversation along with his offer to walk her home basically constituted a date.

Area Woman Emotionally Invested In Jennifer Aniston’s Well-Being: The divorced 41-year-old dental-office receptionist and self-proclaimed “Team Aniston” member said she felt an “uncanny” bond with the $8-million-per-picture superstar. The two have never met, and are not expected to.

The song remains the same.